Inferior

This whole past month has been a really bad month for me. You know how you have your low points? Well imagine that multiplied by 26 up to this very point. My grades are dropping, I don't feel like going out, I feel like a slut, and I feel stupid. I've become a recluse and grown insecure more and more with each passing day. Sometimes I even wonder what's my point to even be alive? I hang out with a lot of smart people, hoping that maybe that will motivate me. It doesn't. It just makes me feel angry and I grow insanely jealous at how easily they can comprehend school and earn flawless good grades. On the other hand, i'm just a hot mess. I hate myself right now.

Psychology - A-
English 3 AP - B
Spanish 3 - C
Algebra 2 - B
Journalism 2 - B
US History AP - B+
Physiology - A-

N. Cephalotus

[Photo Credit]
I want one.

New VFT!

So, I just got off the phone with my dad and I persuaded him to buy me a new venus flytrap! This time it's a 'red piranha' cultivar which is a pinkish red. However, I already own two other flytraps of which one is of the 'royal red' family. They are sort of similar except the new one is more vibrant and bright and the other more bold and purple-ish. Nonetheless I am excited!

Anyways, the books that I borrowed from the library aren't as interesting as I thought. Bound is basically written for 4th graders and in my opinion, isn't written well. Shallow Grave in Trinity County is a bit creepy but is a major bore. The other I lent to my mom. I'll return both on Monday and probably borrow Twilight, though I am skeptical at its overall 'popularity.'

Ps. I took this seduction quiz and here was my result (it's pretty accurate ;])

Saturday Lunch

Burrito bowl from Chipotle Mexican Grill. <333333

Absolutely beautiful

The Blackberry Bold is aesthetically amazing and I also here its capabilities are limitless. Its high resolution definitely trumps previous models and its design is son seductive. The buttons look tactile and I just love QWERTY, so there's a plus. Too bad, I won't be getting the Bold. It was my own personal decision to spare my dad some change in his pocket. As a matter of fact, alot of change. Maybe i'll get the Blackberry Bold 10000000 when i'm in college since they keep shitting out new models! Till then, viva la Sidekick ID ay ay ay ay!

Daily Overview

So today I woke up at six and scrambled to get ready for school. However, I managed to squeeze in about 20 minutes worth of sleep at the expense of my alarm clock (snooze button). Anyways, I left the house around seven and walked towards school when I realized that today was an early day. I really didn't like my outfit, so I walked back home. I was too lazy to change, so I just lurked around in the living room and devoured peanut butter crackers. Then school started and it pretty much zoomed by. I spent the majority of my school day copying history notes from my friends, so I didn't really pay attention in any of my classes. However, I had an English test but thank Mr. Crowther that is was a group effort. Phew, saved. All my other classes were easy, though I do admit that I do not understand Algebra 2 at all! Soon I found myself in US History AP and I was nervous as hell. We had to write an essay in 35 minutes based off of one of three topics. I chose the one about Bacon's Rebellion and the Salem Witch Trials. I managed to finish on time but the quality of the work was pretty much shit. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!! After school, I ran three miles in 28:59, which is pretty good in my opinion. I lingered around with Hart and Audreya and managed to study some Physiology. Then we went to the volleyball game. I wasn't really in a peppy mood so I just remained quiet, the whole time I just wanted to go home. I'm just having one of those types of days where you want to cuddle up on the couch. Too bad I can't because I have four tests to study for: English 3 AP, Algebra 2, US History AP, and Physiology. And though I don't usually have the time for reading I borrowed three books from the library:

Underachiever?

I feel as if I have lost my luster, become dull. These past few days have been all a blur to me. It's as if my perception of the world has been narrowed down to just eat, sleep, school. I can't really seem to function as I used to or even perceive and engage in daily activities, normally. My confidence level has also been dwindling, I know it makes sound materialistic, but I only feel good when I look good. That's why I am in desperate need of shopping. It has also dawned on me that a lot of people who I consider my friends aren't really acting 'friend' like. I feel abandoned and withdrawn, as if on the eve of teenage depression. It's silly but I do think that I am becoming depressed... Or is it just another defense mechanism for myself--- Another way to run and hide? Flight over fight? Whatever the case, I need to get my act together and raise my grades; which are exceptionally drab.

Psychology - A+
English 3 AP - A
Spanish 3 - C+
Algebra 2 - A
Journalism 2 - A
US History AP - A
Physiology - B+

I am in dire need of straight A's.